Exterminator

I have this thing for spiders, I really do hate them and whenever I see them I just need to kill them.  My most used form of extermination is hairspray and a lighter, I torch them.  I know this might all sound so morbid but they are just so gross.  Well tonight we were at the Porter's house for dinner and we were eating outside, when off in the distance in the bushes I see a huge spider building a web, I tried to ignore it, but I just couldn't.  I stood up, grabbed an outdoor torch they had lit, climbed up on the wall and lit the spider, he fell to the ground.  A little while later Darren notices a huge one above Chris head.  So, I grab the torch again as Chris is yelling don't do it Tatum your gonna drop the torch...  I put the torch under the spider he does a total spiderman move, latches onto his web and comes full swing at me... I yell, jump back and without thinking I throw the torch...  Chris runs over and grabs it trying to keep the bushes from catching on fire, picks it up and now the whole torch is on fire, he drops it to the ground, the kerosene leaks out and we've got ourselves a mini fire in the backyard...  The bushes catch fire, the fence and the next thing we know it's heading for the house, we throw the kids in the pool and Chris grabs the hose, his shirt catches fire and he has to do the stop, drop and roll...  O.K. just kidding about everything catching on fire, the guys were able to put it out.  I'm just thankful for very fun friends who will still let me come over after I almost burn their house with my extermination skills and even share their Disneyland candies with me!:)  Thanks Porters for a night of fun and thanks babe for saving me from the fire!!!